worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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