you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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