Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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