I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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