Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
