Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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