you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
