Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize