The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
