It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
