I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
