fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize