I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
