remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
