Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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