I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
