So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
