Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
