8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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