You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
