We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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