they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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