girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dear god my vagina.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
