Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
