If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
