at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
