why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
