I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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