I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
operation have a gay friend backfired
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
