The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found puke in my bra..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
