Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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