It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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