her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
