I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
