I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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