i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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