can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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