They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
