those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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