if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you win again, gameday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
