remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
