Do you still have your period?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
