so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
