Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
