If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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