Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
