I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
