allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
