Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
