I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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