What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
