Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
