didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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