and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
