They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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