Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
