they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
