she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
