i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
