i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
