Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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