You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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