This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
