remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
