Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
