grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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