U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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