Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
