I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
