my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
