then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She even gives head with a lisp.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
